Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Due Date

Today is my due date and I'm still pregnant.

These last five weeks have not been very fun. The threat of pre-eclampsia made my twice-weekly doctor appointments full of ordering extra tests and talk of induction at nearly every appointment. I was put on strict bed rest for one week, and then partial bed rest for the next four.

Being faced with the real possibility of being induced at a moments notice for the last five weeks has really played with my emotions, which being pregnant were fragile enough. Twice a week I have gone to the doctor with my bag packed just in case I was sent straight to labor and delivery. On top of all the talk of induction, the fact that I started dilating over a month ago, and have been having contractions for over a month, gave me hope that I would go into labor on my own before now.

Then there is the physical pain. I've had a lot of it. And it just doesn't quit.

Being so fat and unable to move has left me with few options for dealing with the physical pain and emotional turbulence...except crying. And there have been a lot of tears. Some days I have managed to make it through without crying, and other days I cried several times.

The heat of summer has made everything more miserable, along with it becoming more and more difficult to sleep. And then there are the endless dirty dishes and dirty everything that I haven't had the ability to clean.

There are a few good things that I can say about these last five weeks. First, I have a healthy baby girl living inside me. I love feeling her move and get the hiccups. I love feeling different body parts stick out and just knowing that she is with me. I can't wait to hold her and look at her.

Second, my husband has continued to love me and try to take care of me though everything. Sometimes I don't know how he puts up with me, with how much I cry and tell him I am in pain. But instead of looking at me like the miserable blob of a human that I feel like, he continues to tell me that he loves me and that he wants to be with me. And he continues to remind me that this pain will not last forever and that little Kaitlyn will be here soon.

Yesterday my doctor set a date to induce me, due to the many risks that come with going past my due date with gestational diabetes and the threat of pre-eclampsia. We are scheduled to be at the hospital very early Saturday morning to finally have this baby. I had been hoping to avoid induction and go into labor on my own, because induction raises the chances of needing further medical interventions like a c-section. Fortunately I am already almost four centimeters dilated, which means that my body has been preparing for delivery and will hopefully respond more easily to induction.

Three days. I will be holding Kaitlyn in three days.

Of course there a lot of fears: the pain of labor and delivery and if I will be able to handle it all, unknown complications, dealing with what my body will go through to heal from giving birth, adjusting to a new schedule with little sleep, learning to breastfeed and the multitude of complications that can come with it, learning to deal with a crying baby, and being responsible for a new little life twenty-four hours a day everyday.

And of course there are so many things that I just can't wait for. Mostly I just can't wait to hold her and stare at her for hours. To snuggle her close and watch her fall asleep in my arms.

Three days. I will be holding Kaitlyn in three days.

4 comments:

Micah and Christa Forsythe said...

I am praying for you Beth! I understand that uncomfortableness... and the longing to just have this season over... I like you loved every move my babies made and strangely I really, really missed that after my babies were born. I was induced with Eden and it went really smoothly... the biggest thing I have found with babies is to NOT BE AFRAID - I have encouraged many people to "relax" into the pain and not fight it. By fighting it you are resisting what your body needs to do.

Another note... I did epidurals with the kids and would do it again with a heart beat. It worked great for me... again as you have all this facing you - I am praying for your heart and mind. And I will specifically pray you can go into labor naturally!

I love ya!

Kristina Slaney said...

Oh my goodness! It sounds like you have been in the "any moment now" phase for the last month; it is probably hard to comprehend that Saturday REALLY will be "it!" I am thinking of you in these final days and can't wait to hear her story of arrival, and meet her when she gets here! Also praying for your transition to having the baby OUTSIDE your body. :)

David and Jessica said...

Yay, Kaitlyn's birth day is almost here!....and in the long run, all those dishes don't really matter. Let me know if you need help - I'd be glad to come over and do some cleaning for you!

Stephanie said...

Boy, Beth you have had a rough time of it! I am SO sorry that the last month has been so tumultuous both physically and emotionally. I've been praying for you almost every day and just waiting to hear if baby Kaitlyn had arrived. But finally, the end it in sight! We'll be praying specifically that you go naturally into labor, perhaps...right now?! I wish you strength and patience that only the Lord came provide. One thing that I enjoyed during labor was having Adam read aloud pre-written Bible verses that were encouraging, you know promises that the Lord is with you, (Josh 1:9) He has a plan for you (Jr 29:11), we can do all things through God who gives strength (Phil 4:12-13), and one that is completely applicable check out Phil 1:6! :)

Love you,
Stephanie